Posts Tagged ‘hate’


WE WHO ARE FORGIVEN MUCH….love much…
by johnedoe

well,…gooooooooodddd morninnnn to ya! okay, some of you may have the “first part” of this writing already,……and,….that’s cool. so, just scroll down to what you haven’t read,…and see what you think????

i think that i am done asking for responses, questions, and any and all comments from all of you,…..as it seems to have not worked! so,give it a read if you wanna…if not,…hit delete, and enjoy your day,…it’s all good,…
why do i write to you in particular?,…..because you “remind me”…of???…???……..wanna guess??? …yup,…

EVERYTHING I SHARE WITH YOU ARE LITTLE HELPFUL TIPS AND NIFTY TIDBITS THAT I WOULD HAVE BENEFITED FROM MYSELF A FEW YEARS BACK!!! today,….I want to share this groovy little one with you!!! ok????

I “listen” to what you “write”,…and I hear ya dude!!!…very well!!! But,…specifically today,…I wanna throw somethin out to ya to ponder upon,…k????…it’s based on this copy and paste from your previous comment,…this comment………

”Thanks for sharing that! I agree, we have to LIVE IT or we give a bad witness.”

Okay,…???…hhhhmmmm……

When we come alive through our growth in the faith,….we take our focus “off” what “other’s” think of us,…..

Why do I say this??????,………you had said that our “witness” can be viewed by “others” as bad,…….which I agree with,….as I stated earlier,…..AND most importantly by our children and families,……….

here comes the “but!!!”…by Putting God First Each Day,……we don’t have to “worry”,…or be “concerned”,…about our witness!

Why do I say that?…..because we ARE FOCUSED ON OUR “SELF” WHEN WE ARE WORRIED ABOUT OUR WITNESS,…do ya follow?

We are worried,…for the wrong reasons,…even though our “human minds” may tell us we are “worried” for the right reasons,…what “other’s think of us!!!!…do you see it now????

What I mean is,….in OUR growing closer to God and Jesus in and through our 24/7 faith,…..we HAVE TO GIVE NO THOUGHT AT ALL TO WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US!,….NO,…”WORRY” (worry,…is the opposite of faith),…and there it is

It goes back to the vine and the branches thing,…when we are “fosused” on,…and “attached to” the true vine,…..then Jesus automatically is workin through us!!!…which means that our “witness” is true,…only because of our closeness,….relationship to,…and love for Jesus!……then our witness is true

When we “worry” about what others are thinking ,……MORE THAT WHAT GOD KNOWS…….then we can be in a postion to falsely compromise to somehow try to please MEN!!!! and oh man,……this is a bad, bad, thing!!!

When we do this,…we can find out all too easily that if we are trying to appear “good” to others,…that even then,…since we want to have a good witness,…..these “very same” others,…can still (and do) lie about us and talk us down!,…

It happened with Jesus,…and it will happen with us!,….you ever heard the word, “persecution steven???!!” (lol),…I thought so!

Yup,…Worryin about what others think??? UUHHHH,…not so much! And there is a good, good, reason for me saying this,….this is why

So,…..we see someone,…and we are going to be so good and Godly around them,…that “surely” God is gonna use us to “win their soul!”…(you ever felt that way at all?),…well,…”I must admit,…I have,…at “one” time,….but,…not any more”

You see,…when focused on “them”…..you will find we can “also focus on them when they begin to rag us down to any and all who will listen to them”….and along comes satan whisperin in our minds……

Why? because satan knows with our “focus” having been “off!”…..that we can be tricked into “resenting” the one who we “were” so (previously) concerned about winning over….???…

If you have never experienced this,…thank God!

Then,……”when” (or “after” actually, as we are now in a “position” where we ain’t so much concerned about winnin em over anymore,….as we are “hurt” by “them” (???) and “angry” at “them”) ……

yup,….when we had “WORKED” SO “HARD!” TO WIN THIS “PERSON”, WHO WE WERE SO “CONCERNED” OR, “WORRIED” ABOUT,…AND IT ALL FALLS FLAT ON IT’S ASS,……..

THEN THE GOOD OLD ROOT OF BITTERNESS CAN SPRING UP INSIDE OF US SO FAST THAT WE WON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

In summary,…what I began with,………focus on our relationship with God,…and we do not have to be concerned or worried about or witness,…in any way,……….at all!

Remember that satan is sneaky! no one is above his trickiness,…especially,…when we decide to play on “his playground” and by “his” rules,…which, his rules are usually PRIDE BASED…..

We are actually focused on ourselves when we decide that we are gonna be good enough to win someone over to God!….as the vine and the branches points out ALL TOO CLEARLY,……HE IS THE VINE,…AND “WE” ARE THE BRANCHES!,…..AND FINISHES WITH,…..APART FROM THE VINE (JESUS),….WE!,…..DO!……NOTHING…

I have learned (the hard way!) the importance of being “focused” ONLY! ON THE VINE!, when we do this,….Jesus does the rest,…..and the area IN US that the root of bitterness wants to so badly occupy,…no longer CAN EXIST,…TTAAAHHHHDDDAAAHHHHHH!!!,…

…****** dude,…it just dawned on me that I write a lot!,………god bless you and yours!!!,….toksoon,……john e doe

OKAY,….THE NEW SECTION BEGINS HERE,…IT’S A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MY NEW FRIEND AND I AS WE SEEK WHAT WE SEEK,….AND WHY WE SEEK WHAT WE DO…I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY,….AND FIND SOMETHING IN THIS THAT MAY MAKE, NOT ONLY YOUR DAY,…..BUT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE “BRIGHTER”,…AS IT HAS MINE…..OK,…THERE YOU GO…

3 Responses to WIN??? OR LOSE??? dead religion versus lively faith

1.
“here comes the “but!” (lol-al)…by Putting God First Each Day,……we don’t have to “worry”,…or be “concerned”,…about our witness!!!”

1 Thessalonians 2:10
Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holy and justly and blameless we behaved ourselves among you that believe:

My question: Does this mean that because they lived holy, just and blameless lives, they were focused on themselves?

When I live a holy just and blameless life, I don’t have to worry about my witness. But…..If I live a sinful life, I bring open shame to my Lord, his work and his message.

2.

GOOD MORNIN******DUDE!!!,…..I STILL HAVEN’T HAD MY COFFEE YET!!! LOL,……

My question: Does this mean that because they lived holy, just and blameless lives, they were focused on themselves?…………MY VIEW IS THAT IT IS “BECAUSE” THEY “WERE FOCUSED” ON GOD,…AND IN DOING SO, THEY, THROUGH THEIR FAITH,…LIVED HOLY, AND JUSTLY, AND BLAMELESS……..for it is written,…”THE JUST SHALL LIVE BY FAITH”…???

THESSALONIANS WAS ALSO WRITTEN BY THE BAD BOY OF THE LAW,…THE APOSTLE PAUL,…WHO, WHEN SAUL,….WAS SO INTO ALL THE POINTS OF THE LAW,….THAT HE “HAD FUN” (???) PUTTING CHRISTIANS TO DEATH WHO DIDN’T MEASURE UP TO “HIS” SCRUTINY BASED ON HIS “KNOWLEDGE” OF THE LAW,……

ONE OF WHOM WAS NAMED?????……THIS SHOULD BE AN EASY ONE FOR YOU “*******!” (THERE’S YOUR “HINT” AND YOUR “ANSWER”…ALL IN ONE!) YUP,…HE (THE APOSTLE PAUL) “NOT ONLY” STOOD BY WATCHING,…BUT INSTEAD,….HE (NAMED SAUL AT THE TIME) WAS HOLDING HIS (STEVEN’S) CLOAK AS THEY STONED HIM TO DEATH,…IS THIS CORRECT???………more in a bit,…okay??? coffee time…OKAY,….I’M BACK NOW……..

3.

this a reminder for me for something that i’m gonna write about later,….just going through all my emails now and deleted and saving stuff now,…….

“HE WHO IS “GUILTY” OF MUCH (since sin is revealed through the Law of Moses, as you said earlier???,…even though I don’t think that Cain’s sin was revealed that way when he killed his brother Abel???…I,…being a human with a conscience think that he just “knew” that he was a sinner) “OWES MUCH”,….BUT HE WHO IS “FORGIVEN OF MUCH,…”LOVES” MUCH” (which is revealed to us all through Jesus,…in faith)

When we allow ourselves to be “BOUND” by the Law,…we “OWE” much,….BUT,..we have no “money, or anything of worth” to “pay back” what we owe,……..correct???….

So, what does our HUMAN MIND (try in vain to) reason as to being the solution?????? We ATTEMPT to “WORK OFF” THE DEBT,….BY THE “GOOD WORKS OF THE LAW” THAT WE DO.

i owe, i owe,…so off to work i go,…(the seven dwarfs understood this truth very well!!!) and they even WHISTLED WHILE THEY WORKED!!!!! LOL……

THIS,….FOR US AS HUMANS,….IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO,…AS THE APOSTLE PAUL STATES CLEARLY IN A WHOLE BUNCH OF SCRIPTURES,…RIGHT???? THUS,….HIS ANALOGY OF “OH WRETCHED MAN THAT I AM…he explains it quite clearly,…Doesn’t he?????

We are told of Steven’s “innocence through his faith”, are we not??? They, saul and the good old boys, had to use false witnesses to falsely justify stoning him to death, correct???? (SO MUCH FOR FOR THE COMMANDMENT OF “THOU SHALT NOT BARE FALSE WITNESS, HUH????) and,…WHO LED the stoning???? (I MEAN,..THE WILLFUL MURDER!!!)…the Apostle Paul (then still known as Saul)…

Saul was a master of the law,…as he was taught by Gamileal,….correct????

He kept all points of the Law,….didn’t he???? At least he “thought” that he did…Enough so, to where he (saul) used the Law against Steven (but he didn’t use the law against himself,….or did he?????)…Jesus did ask him,….SAUL,…WHY DO YOU PERSECUTE ME???? WHY DO YOU KICK AGAINST THE PRICKS????

Do you think that Jesus said these things to Saul to have an argument with him????? I don’t.

In part,…I say this because of Saul’s/Paul’s lack of response to Jesus’ questioning…….

But,…according to the “concept of our sinful human mind” of finding our “goodness” (???????) under, and through, the keeping the Law,….didn’t Saul have a strong foundation for an “argument with Jesus?”

Couldn’t Saul have helped Jesus to SEE THE LIGHT???…..Have fun with that!

“YOU CAN FOOL SOME PEOPLE,..SOME OF THE TIME,…BUT,…..DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WE CAN FOOL GOD??? Saul kept his mouth shut! Why???

Saul’s heart and mind (HIS CONSCIENCE) told him that “his” way of doing things WAS WRONG,……….Saul,….with his “righteousness” based on his keeping of the Law,….which according to Jesus is as filthy rags (menstrual rags,…dead shed worthless blood) well,…….

here’s a copy and paste of what you just wrote above, ok???
****************************************

“My question: Does this mean that because they lived Holy, just and blameless lives, they were focused on themselves?”

****************************************

(in Saul’s mind,…Under the Law,…he “thought”,..OR WANTED TO THINK,..that he was doing all of what “you” just said in the sentence above,…Correct?……Enough to “COMPARE” Steven (who was blameless)….(???)….to himself,…Right????,…I should have said, “correct”,..as there was NOTHING AT ALL “RIGHT” ABOUT WHAT SAUL DID TO STEVEN!

Yet, he killed Steven,…But NOT himself???,…You see???……Does the word,…HYPOCRITE fit well right here???…You Asked,..”Were they focused on themselves???”

You also said,……

*******************************************

“When “I” live a Holy just and blameless life, I don’t have to worry about my witness. But…..If I live a sinful life, I bring open shame to my Lord, his work and his message.”

*******************************************

But,…if “you” live a sinful life??????????,……………..

If “WE” meaning ANY AND ALL OF US AS HUMANS live a sinful life,….we lose our closeness with God,….and our lives suck,…We are empty etc,…SIMPLY DOING WHATEVER WE WANT, has consequences,…..but,…(as believers) if we Truly Love Jesus,….and Believe in HIM,….then why would we choose not to hear him,…and walk with him,….and enjoy his 24/7 rest and peace??????,…..24/7 rest and peace,….not just on the Sabbath Day…..

Do I have to know and keep all the points of the Old Law?…..did “AN EYE FOR AN EYE” come though the six billion bi-laws of the Mosaic Law and all the judges who had to try to “control” all of these old Hebrew complainers?….if an “EYE FOR AN EYE” is of the Law,……YET,…the LAW is not to change ONE JOT OR TITTLE,…AS JESUS HIMSELF SAYS,…THEN WHY DID JESUS “CHANGE” AN EYE FOR AN EYE?…….

SHOULDN’T HE HAVE (ACCORDING TO THE NOT “CHANGE” ONE JOT OR TITTLE LINE OF THINKING) JUST LET “AN EYE FOR AN EYE” STAND IT “WAS”,…OR,…AS IT “IS” STILL???

WE,…AS HUMANS,….DO NOT HAVE TO KNOW ALL POINTS OF THE LAW TO REALIZE THAT WE ARE FORGIVEN MUCH!,….

GOD SAID HE WOULD “WRITE HIS (TRUE and spiritual) LAWS UPON OUR HEARTS”,…???,….correct???…

HE DOES THIS TO ILLUSTRATE WHAT OUR CONSCIENCE IS!…………

I, MYSELF,…DO…NOT…EVEN…KNOW…THE…TEN…COMMANDMENTS……IN…ORDER…(COMMA)…IF…AT…ALL………………

DOES THIS MEAN THAT I HAVEN’T BELIEVED IN, AND OF, AND ON,…..AND THAT I “WRONGFULLY” BELIEVE IN JESUS AS MY SAVIOR???……NOT EVEN CLOSE……..

Do “I” need to learn the Old Law so that I can “then” have faith in Jesus???…No. Period.

IT’S NOT “WHAT” WE KNOW,..IT IS “WHO” WE KNOW…………

I AM NOT UNDER THE LAW,…..I LIVE MY LIFE THROUGH FAITH IN MY SAVIOR,……DO I REALIZE THE RESULTS OF NEGLECTING MY CLOSENESS WITH JESUS THROUGH MY FAITH,…OR,….LACK THEREOF??? OF COURSE I DO!,….

DO I HAVE FREEWILL?……ABSOLUTELY……..

DO WE ALL???……ABSOLUTELY….

TRUE AND GODLY NON CONDEMNING FREEWILL COMES THROUGH JESUS’ SACRIFICE,……DOESN’T IT???

Didn’t Jesus say that nothing about the law would change one jot or tittle until it was fullfilled?,….did Jesus come to “Fullfill” the Law?

quick note; John the baptist taught that,….”THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS “NEAR”,…….

BUT,…WHAT DID JESUS TEACH?

Jesus said that “THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS???…HERE…Didn’t he?

IF WE FIND OUR CLOSENESS WITH GOD THROUGH KEEPING THE LAW (OR “TRY” TO),…AS OBVIOUSLY WE “CAN NOT” FIND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD THROUGH KEEPING THE OLD LAW…….I ASK,…..DO WE “STILL” HAVE FREEWILL THEN?…I, personally, do not see that we would or could (in faith) while trying to keep all the points of the old law????……that’s just my opinion.

Jesus is about love,….right,….Godly love?……Did Saul/Paul find “Love for God and others through the keeping of the Law?,……Steven didn’t feel GODLY LOVE IN WHAT SAW AND THE “RELIGIOUS” BOYS DID TO HIM,….did he???,……What Steven felt,….was “stoned”,……and in a bad way…..

AND SAUL STOOD BY AND HELD STEVEN’S COVERING,…DIDN’T HE? SAUL/PAUL,…THE KING OF KEEPING THE OLD LAW,…Why did Paul (the NOW converted Saul) say that he kept the Old Law so extremely?…Was it though IGNORANCE,…and?,….What was the last thing he said along with his statement?….I’m pretty sure it was,….
BECAUSE OF,….”HIS”,????……”UN”BELIEF. ….correct?

DID SAUL “HOLD THE TRUTH” (OF GOD’S WORD) IN “UNRIGHTEOUSNESS?????”….

Do you think that Saul was holding Steven’s “CLOAK OF RIGHTEOUSNESS???”

Do you think his THORN IN THE FLESH may have been his constant,…and EYE OPENING reminder of this?????…as Paul,…he said,…YOUR GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME,…correct???….

I believe that Saul/Paul SAW VERY CLEARLY and understood the beauty and power of God’s Grace quite well… Where did Paul’s new drive come from to spread the Gospel???????…..DID HE PREACH MOTIVATED BY GUILT??? ABSOLUTELY NOT,….

He said that he was alive to DEFEND THE GOSPEL,…?????….defend the Gospel from WHAT???? or,…did he mean,…from “WHO????”……

Maybe from THOSE who were like he “used to be???” (through the Law,…Paul saw that he “deserved” death)…remember Steven???

GAMILEAL,…SAUL’S RIGID TEACHER OF LAW,….ALSO BECAME A CHRISTIAN,…I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK THAT HIS EX STUDENT SAUL MAY HAVE SHOWN HIM THE WAY???…..AS DID NICODEMUS??? the historic record shows that they were buried together………wanna guess who else they were buried with,…an innocent kid named Steven………….

The Apostle Paul understood that he was FORGIVEN much!!!!! He DID NOT find this TRUE forgiveness from his rigid (and deadly) usage of the law,….(WHAT THE BLOOD OF BULLS AND GOATS,..”COULD”,…”NOT”,….DO) He had searched the scriptures and found there was NO LIFE IN THEM in them,…correct,….

GRACE and TRUTH came,…to Saul,…AS WELL AS ALL OF US,….through Jesus Christ,…then,…after this,…A “NEW” CREATURE named PAUL WAS IN EXISTENCE,…CORRECT??? (ask yourself what the opposite of grace and truth are???)

The Apostle Paul said that his life,…his “true and only life”…..was to preach JESUS,…and HIM CRUCIFIED crucified,…NOT TO PREACH THE LAW……that’s pretty heavy stuff comin from a guy who called Himself the “Jew’s Jew”…Don’t you think?????,……

You see,….the Old Law was HEAVY AND BURDENSOME,…WEIGHING DOWN AND CRUSHING ALL WHO WERE UNDER IT,…PAUL TRADED THE “HEAVY”,…FOR THE “LIGHT”…correct???

YUP,….HE WHO IS FORGIVEN MUCH,……LOVES MUCH,…Paul understood…

Last thought for now,….which is really a question for whoever?…Jesus said that HE CAME TO “FULFILL” THE LAW???,…CORRECT?

MY QUESTION IS THIS,…

WHAT DID HE (JESUS) MEAN WHEN HE SAID,…”AS” HE DIED ON THE CROSS,….”IT”,…IS FINISHED???……and,…what were these the very “last” words that he spoke??????…..He concluded with????
Father,…into thy hands, I commend MY spirit.

SO, I ask you,…..WHAT IS IT???…WHAT,…IS FINISHED???

wow,…I didn’t see my quick note to myself turning into this…and I’m still on my first cup of coffee too!…………toksoon dude! john e doe


ABOUT ME,…judging a “book” by it’s “cover”…

by johnedoe

I FEEL THAT THIS “MUST BE SAID”…but, I may be wrong,……

I want to share with “any and all” of you who have, in one way or another, (since I moved in here at “blogland”), touched my life, THANK YOU,…You have all brought many great things to my life, and I just wanted you to know this.

Sometimes I feel that we so easily forget, or maybe it’s that we just never knew in the first place, how much we as humans,…simply need one another. I absolutely believe that there is a very real and very loving God. I also believe that this God put this needing of one another inside of us from birth. I VIEW THIS “NEED” AS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS THAT THERE IS.”

Why I think and feel this way is this….We are, for the most part, here in BLOGLAND, like little paper boats, with cyberink writing on the sides, that quietly pass in the night. No words spoken aloud,…and no noise made. We only know when another boat has passed by ours because we have made the choice to keep our eyes open and look for the others who may have come near us.

Some of these boats we see again,…again, in passing. When we do, we see that the words written on their sides have changed, so,…we read the subtle salutations,…and in doing so, we find “whatever” it is that the words there may have to show us. If we view what we find, whether great or small, as precious,…then we can grasp and store “these offerings” away safely in the “hold” of our own little boat.

Forever taking with us, little encouraging pieces of other sailor’s souls with us on our mysterious journey,…loving gifts which may warm our hearts on a cold and lonely night…which we have all, more than likely, been through in our lives. This can remind us that we truly are not alone on the sea of life,…and in the end, death.

I am very aware that I need you all,…and it is a very nice feeling. A somewhat warm feeling. Perhaps there is a chance that what I have written on the side of my boat, at one time or another, may be stored in your hold, warming you, as so many of your words have warmed me. But, that said, I don’t know, one way or another,…and perhaps I never will. And that’s okay.

I, in part believe, that I share my words with you, because of what your shared words have meant to me. I feel more alive because of you. I am really thinking about the feeling that I have at this exact moment,…it is simply,…LOVE. And I believe that LOVE is REAL.

Love is invisible, yet it is somehow able to touch and warm our hearts, and bring tears to our eyes. Comforting us…

Sometime, shedding tears, tears, which we somehow know for a fact, are not of sadness and pain,…rather, these are tears of happiness and healing,…perhaps this is what, joy, is???

The Words in the Bible tell us that “GOD IS LOVE”…..

It almost seems too simple of a statement, to be used to describe an all powerful God?

It simply says, “God is love?”….at this moment I think I truly understand the simplicity of words, all words, those words. Just three little words.

But, those little words,…have much power…I think I’m gonna keep those three words in my little boat’s hold,…right next to,…ALL OF YOURS……

happy sailing……..john e doe


hey dad,…WATCH THIS…

by johnedoe

          Long ago, when the rest of the world was just going to sleep,…I would then be taking off from the safety of my home to ride my bicycle. Especially on the warm summertime time evenings in South Central Oklahoma…this was my time. There was an old K-mart store about two miles from my house. It closed it’s doors at nine p.m., so shortly after that, the parking lot was all mine. This is where I developed and practiced my freestyle BMX riding skills. (Actually, back then, freestyle had no labels, as it had not yet been officially developed as a sport, so, it was just me riding my bike,…)         

The emptiness of the parking lot, and smooth concrete construction allowed me to ride relatively unobstructed. I much preferred crashing on cement as opposed to asphalt. Skin slides easier on cement, leaving less meat and blood and skin stuck to the ground, which means, more blood and meat and skin still attached to me, which I prefer.         

 It’s lighting allowed me to see somewhat clearly where I was riding, making my riding that much safer. Part of the parking lot was built on a nice hill, which allowed me to pick up decent speed for some of my tricks, which comes in very handy. Even then, only about half of the parking lot lights were left on for security reasons. But,…as I said, I still had good visibility. Altogether, the parking lot equaled roughly six football field sized areas, to use as much of as I chose to use,…freely. It was very nice.           

Now, one evening, as I rode,…a tiny glimmer of light reflected up from the ground, somehow catching my eye. I had no idea why, as it was too small to be a threat to the tires on my bicycle. Any other time, it would not even have phased me. However, on this night, I turned towards it. I stopped when I found it. Getting off my bike, I bent over, reached down,…and picked it up.  It was part of a watch band.

It was just a cheap, black rubber and plastic/rubber watch band. Actually, it was only the end with the buckle on it. The buckle still had the metal pin which fit into the size adjusting holes on the watch that it had came from. There was no watch attached to it. Just the one side of the band. Period.

Now, the reason for it’s separation from the watch itself, appeared to be quite obvious, as was evidenced by some very deep gouges where the small, metal, spring loaded pin, attached into the outer band attachment holes, which were on each side of the watch itself. These very distinctive gouges were on the visible, outer side of the watchband,…and, they would have continued on across the face of the watch itself. My guess, based on the evidence, was that it had simply been ran over by a car after having fallen to the ground. Or, very violently stomped into and across the ground by someone’s foot. The parking lot in which I found it was too smooth to have left the large gouges. How it arrived here was a mystery. For now.

Instead of dropping it back to the ground, I put it in my front right pocket. Out of sheer curiosity, I spent a short while looking around the parking lot for what was left of the actual watch itself. No luck. I continued to ride that evening. The mystery had faded entirely. Then I rode home, and went to bed.

The next day around lunch time, there was a knock on my front door. I did what people do, and answered the knock, or rather, I simply opened the door. There before me, who I hadn’t seen in some years, was my father. There really are certain moments that can take your breath away long enough to render one speechless. This was one of those moments for me.

My father had left our family when I was a very little boy, then, over the years, he would come back for short whiles at a time. When I was 13 or 14, he left, what was left, of our “home”, for good. Life goes on.

I, from a very early age began working as an artist. Being paid to do what came naturally to me was quite nice, I must admit.  In my sophomore year, I left high school in Arizona, and went back to Oklahoma. There, I began to paint wall murals. There is a reason I am telling you this, as you are about to see.  

After some rather awkward small talk with my father, he asked if I would like to go to lunch with him. I loved my father,…no matter where he was, or wasn’t. I said yes. There was a café in the town which I lived and did most of my artwork. My father loved it. So, this is where we had lunch. Turns out that he knew all of the waitresses and every time one of them would stop by the table to say hello, he would tell them, “this is my son”…and he would also say, “have you seen all of those paintings around town on the walls??? He does them.”  Their comments and compliments were quite nice, I must say,…but all that I heard was my dad, my dad, who I had often wondered if he loved me or not, telling everyone how proud he was of me. I said nothing. He reached into his pocket and drew out a very large envelope. It was full of photographs. He handed them to me. Upon opening them, I had found that my dad had driven to every possible place that he could find,…and taken pictures of all of my artwork. There was much artwork, too. And, this wasn’t the day and age of digital pictures either. This was the load the film, take the pictures, drop off, and pay to have the film developed time of life. He told me to keep the pictures that he handed me, as he had made doubles. So, I did. (I still have them to this day) There are many different ways to say I love you. The best times are when the words are shown. My dad showed me the answer to the questions which I had needed for so long. So much louder than words.            

You see,…before my dad left for the last time, he didn’t tell me goodbye,…he was just gone when I came home from school one day. But, the day before he left, and out of the blue,…as my dad didn’t say much to me,…he told me, “you keep drawing those pictures.” hH said nothing else. Looking back now, I understand why.

The reason that my dad was in town on this day, was that he had been building a Wal-Mart fifty miles north of where I lived. The first Wal-Mart ever in the area. So, he had this day off,…so he came to try to find me. My buddy, who owned one the places that I painted a mural on,…told him where I lived. So,…he knocked.              

In the time that it took for he and I to have lunch and talk, although we talked very little,…there were so many needed questions answered,…for the both of us, too. My father got the question answered that his son still loved him. And I got the question answered that my father loved me. My dad then drove me back to my house.              

When it was time for him to leave, I shook his hand, as I had forgotten how to let myself hug him. I believe that he felt the same. As he began to walk away, he stopped suddenly, turned, as he reached in his pocket, and he said, “oh, I found this in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart where I am working and thought you might be able to use it.”               

I knew that “whatever” it was, this was actually just my dad’s way of wanting to leave me some little something for me to remember him by. All in all, facts were, my dad was very sentimental about what others may consider to be just trivial things. So I just kind of stood semi-politely, as if humoring him…I was used to my dad doing these type of little odd things,…That said…              

From his pocket,…he pulled a cheap, black, rubber, and plastic digital watch. A watch that looked as if it had been ran over by a car, or stomped seriously into the ground, a very gravelly ground, as it had large gouges across it’s sides and face,…and,…it was also missing the buckle side of it’s black rubber watch band.              

I became somewhat numb, yet at the same time, more alive than I have ever been. I reached into my front right pocket and withdrew from it what I had found the night before, fifty miles away from where my father found the watch he now held in his weathered hand. I slowly took the watch from his hand, with my right hand, as my left hand mechanically, and perhaps shakily, inserted the piece which I had in my pocket, perfectly and precisely, into the side of the very watch from which it had came. I told my father that I had found the piece just last night as I did so.               

He and I quietly stared. I can not say that we stared in disbelief, as there was none. There could not be. The gouges from the band continued perfectly across the face of the watch. Also, the unique stripes on the bands themselves were a perfect match as well. There was no denying this as being truth. I think, rememebering back as I am now, that there was a part of me that actually tried to deny it. If, for nothing else other than my sanity’s sake.               

As he turned to leave, there was much silence between us. This silence was actually a time of silent contemplation and reflection. It remained until he got in his truck to drive away. I told him that I would see him soon. He climbed slowly into his truck, started the engine, and then he left. I walked back in my house, watch in hand,…sat down at my dining room table,…and cried like a baby.

I have no idea when I saw him next. Neither of us ever forgot that day,…hough neither of us ever spoke of it again…….now, long since his death,…we will never speak of it again…I wore that watch for many years, until it disappeared from my life forever,…as did my father,…………….

it’s always time to take the chance to let your father show you that he loves you,…just don’t place any expectations on him as he tries to,…and you may see miracles that you can never explain,……


JUST A QUESTION,… are angels God’s spiritual children?????


TRUE FREEDOM,…..wants and needs?????.


THE DARK SIDE OF NEVER NEVER,….