Posts Tagged ‘failure’

AS MY SOUL BLEEDS,……yet another cheery title to my babblings, or writings, or rants…..very christmasy, don’t you think? You’re welcome,…..As a child, writing was something much much different then than what it is to me now. It was something more innocent. Pure. Youthful wonder still existed. But as time went by, and all things and people changed in my life, I left my writing behind. actually, I ran from it. My writing, as well as my life. It, they, both brought pain. Other than occasional scribblings in my notebooks, I didn’t dare write anything remotely resembling a story. Just bits and pieces. There were many different reasons for this, I’m sure…although I have no idea what those reasons were. Perhaps it was because my life itself was too random. Too broken. I existed as a stranger, always in an even stranger land. Truth is, maybe the surrounding land itself was normal enough, and I, myself was the strange…looking back now, facts are, my life, and myself, were just too fucked up to make any sense of…even now, there are some pieces which I will never try to fit into the picture of my life. I will leave these memories as reflections on the bottom side of the dark waters upon which they took shape……unclear ripples in the pond,…

Writing, for what it’s worth, I have found,…still brings me pain. It is just another of the many love hate relationships that I have had in my life,… much as I want to write about happy and encouraging things, not so deep inside of me,…there is something else which must come forth,…..I call this release, the act of “bloodletting.” I try to convince myself that this is how the poisons come out. Am I lying? Am I finding much needed and otherwise elusive healing as I sit here pecking at the keys?

Or am I simply dying more with each word?,………………..time will tell,……..enough for now,………..