THE SHADOWS WITHIN,…exit the darkness,…

Posted: November 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

by johnedoe

THE VALLEY OF THE “SHADOW” OF DEATH…goodbye FB…on with the show….

I’d like to begin by saying that my life’s adventure has shown me that it’s a funny old life sometimes,…which in turn means,…sometimes it’s not. Pretty profound shit right there, huh?

We as humans must take the good with the bad, and the bad with the good,…that is just the way life goes. There are some things that we like, or prefer more than other things,…and there are some things that we don’t prefer, nor desire, as much as other things…many things we do not desire at all…many of these things differ slightly from person to person, somewhat like salting our potatoes, there are are many things which we all agree on. I call these the personal preference list.

So,…recently I had this epiphany. I decided to pull the plug on my fb page. You can call me a sinner if you want to, but,…

(before I finish what I’m gonna say,…you gotta realize that this is just my two cents worth on this,…that’s all, ok??? I mean,…facebook is,…what it is. period,…nothin less, nothin more. All good then? Good.)

The funny thing is,…it’s an odd feeling. I mean, after all these years (almost 25 for me) I have found so many people from my past, any many have found me….you know what I mean? Just reconnecting. That, for the most part,…has been a great thing.

But after the dust and smoke had settled, I ended up with about 300 people on my friends list who I never even knew,….But, I told myself,…what the heck, right? Maybe we could actually get to know each other? Or, not.

Well, it turned out that “not”,…was the actual answer to my question. So, last week,…(evil man that I am?),…I deleted about 300 people off my list. Someone referred to this process as “trimming the fat.”…to me, the term seems rather harsh, but I get the gist of the picture, nonetheless…You know, fact is, I really liked the old fb, the one from 2 years ago.

But now, from my point of view, the “new fb” has daily gotten more and more outta control with all of it’s block this, and block that kind of stuff. In other words,…it’s been growing kind of “cold.” To me,…it’s actually already “grown” cold. And that’s too bad. perhaps it is just because the newness has worn off,……..

Anyway,…I decided instead of setting up 5000 blocks and restrictions, that it was “perhaps” more polite to just delete, or un-friend the people that I don’t and didn’t know,…and then,…this is when I had a thought, which was,…screw it,…I’ll just shut it down altogether…nuff about that for now…….

So, what I have been doing lately is copying and pasting some of the comments and messages and notes and emails and phone numbers and the other fb stuff,…etc, etc,…and I stumbled across the following that I am gonna “paste” here in a few minutes,…about the “valley of the shadow of death.” I had commented next to a pic I drew of the “red sea” parting in my photos folder (which most people haven’t seen, because in reality, who cares, right???)…and I’ll be damned if I didn’t read it,…and it got my my wheels to turning,…anyway,…if you wanna,…read it for yourself…i’d like to think that it’s kinda self explanatory. But, I added a bit to it as well…it follows now,…..

You know, in my life I have found that when all things “seem” to be hopeless,…some “little something” happens that changes “everything”,…IF we let it, that is…

But sometimes, when we have a way out of our situation,…we won’t take it,…for “whatever” reason. Or lack of reason…so, why is this???  Even if it’s clear and obvious,…

IF, the world’s smallest and most powerful word….”IF” we make the decision to go “forward” into life,…we can change things,…at the very least, we can “change the destructive and depressing” situation we are in, were in,…etc…and that is, or at least can be, a very good thing in and of itself. All is well,…right???

Well,…wrong is all too often the answer. So many of us stay in the shitty situation we are in, So i ask, “WHAT THE HELL ARE WE THINKING?”

So, we tell ourselves and know deep inside that we absolutely “want” and “need” a change,….and we really, really know it. So, what’s the problem? Now, when I say, a “change”, I don’t mean that we just need a “bullshit excuse” to cut and run from someone, or some place, or some thing,…what I mean  is, we need a true and honest and soul searching and healing change. It should be easy. So here we go,…a better life awaits,..or at least the “possibility” of a better life.

…Even though, sometimes the escape from the place we are in at the moment, isn’t easy at all. Or,…is it?

…but, fact is, there is another thing that I must tell you as well, changes and escapes,…CAN BE…VERY, VERY, SCARY…now, when iI say “scary”, I don’t mean the “I’m a little kid just watching the “halloween” movie with jamie lee curtis and “michael myers” KIND OF SCARY”,…I mean, a much different, and much more intense kind of scary, but still “scary”, none-the-less. So what gives??? Well, that goes back to why and where I posted this comment originally,…standing on the shore of the red sea as God has just opened the door for us to have the escape that we know that we need so badly….yup,…He parted the sea for us all. He “opened the door.”…but, we gotta be the one, or the “ones” to walk through it…that’s just the way life works, huh?…a way out! Thank God.

So why do we choose to just sit in our own shit and stare like retards at the way out which is right in front of us??? By the way,…I said “WE”,…and,…”US”…you did catch that, right??? We are all in the same boat here folks,…and,…at the moment,…especially me. So???

…I think the depths of the sea,…between the threatening, terrifying, and dark waters,…just “may be?” where the “true” meaning of the “VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH” comes from…but,…maybe not??? so,..

If we see the escape, that previously appeared to be COMPLETELY HOPELESS AND IMPOSSIBLE,…will we let ourselves have “the faith” to go forward “from where our life’s choices have brought us? Or, do we “choose”, by, “not choosing” to go forward, to just stand at stare into the darkness of the problems in our lives, and wait to die?,…It seems to be number one on the no-brainer list, huh???

I, myself, chose to go forward…IF YOU EVER COME TO THE PLACE WHERE I “WAS” STANDING,…LOOK DOWN AT THE GROUND,…IF YOU SEE A HUGE DARK SPOT,…what you are looking at,…IS THE “FEAR” THAT WE all HAVE TO LEAVE BEHIND.

But how do we go forward? Shit, for that matter, where exactly is forward? Legitimate question for more than a few, ya think?

Over the course of my life, through one way or another, and combined with a series of rather strange events, I have learned this. Inside of the Bible, some of the words within say,…If we have just the tiniest bit of faith (Jesus says that faith as tiny as a grain of mustard seed) when we begin to take the first step, the fear(s) falls away as we go forward in faith. For those of us who may have read some of those words, it seems to be pretty simple, huh?…

So, as I write this little modification to my copy and paste adventure,….I am remembering something that I had almost let slip away from me,…like the dumb ass that I am,…or at least,…the dumb ass that I find myself being so often,…hey,…just being honest here. Also, I don’t mean being “honest” with you,…but with myself. (because I fuckin hate to try to bullshit myself) I’m just too much of an asshole to allow me to do that.

Just another of my many disorders,…or “gifts”,…whichever,…I’m glad I have what ever it is…..

What I remembered is, is that I still…believe this,…that WITH FAITH IN GOD,…”NOTHING”…I mean nothing,…is impossible. My life has proven this to be a rock solid truth to me,…over and over and over and over, again….

So, here I go again,…but I gotta be the one to take the step…it’s up to me to “choose” for me. As no one else can do that for me. Yet again,…some profound shit there, huh?…But do not fool yourself,…if you, or we, choose,…”not to” decide,…then we still have made a choice.

Like I said,…it’s “sometimes”,….a “funny” old life…facts are, we can’t win for losing,…especially when we choose to lose,…

Oh yeah,…you know the “dark spot?”…that was my fear. The ex-crippling fear that I had to willfully choose to leave behind….so, put one foot in front of the other,……..

November 19, 2011 at 4:32pm

hhhhmmmmmmm…yup,…there it is…I’m gonna write more on this later……..

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