A TALK WITH MY FATHER,…

Posted: November 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

A talk with MY FATHER,…….and a walk with a friend…….john e doe copyright 2010

by johnedoe

 

       A talk with MY FATHER,………….and a walk with a friend…

       I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY,…..I had messed up again,….and badly, too….It wasn’t that I didn’t know HOW to tell HIM,……it’s that I didn’t WANT to,.………….I just Always feel like I let HIM down,……………………………………………………………………………………………..and,.. I Hate that feeling…….………but,……….I NEED,…to tell HIM…I know that I do…………yes,……I need HIS help,………again,……….the story of my life…….

       It’s still strange to me, how I always end up, “Right in front” of  HIS Office doors with out even remembering how I got there……..and,…….I start off coming up Here every time, thinking that It’s gonna take Forever,….but???……….I don’t get it…..

       Maybe it’s that I usually start off with my head hangin down, feelin ashamed,… starin at the ground as I walk,………   

       No matter what, though, ….it’s like I’m Here Almost Instantly!,…Every time,… And, I Always feel LESS tired than when I had left MY house….and it is a llllonnnng climb to the top of this mountain

      The Double Doors that lead into HIS Office are ,…“ALWAYS” open,…and I mean,…“ALWAYS” Open,………NIGHT OR DAY!,………..Never once, have I seen them closed…..nor have i ever seen my father sleep….and this doesn’t seem odd to me at all…..He never appears to be tired…………..always so full of life,….and love……

       It’s the same with the DOORS on the front of HIS House as well,…which seems to be, even more fitting. As well as, truly inviting. Making one feel compelled to come inside, as if knowing that this house is shelter. No fear or barriers to stop those in need, whoever they are,…..or whatever they have done………..

      This Truly does compliment the “WELCOME,…COME ONE,…COME ALL,”  sign that hangs just above the doorway.

      As I entered HIS House, I realized how badly I have missed HIM……I cant wait to SEE HIM……I want run to Him, but thoughts of my problems slow me down….like a weight upon my shoulders……..I feel weak…………but I go on……..

       HIS Office Always has a special warmth to it. The kind of Warmth that makes you seem to glow from the inside out, almost of if a light is shining out of you.

       This warmth takes away the chill that you get when you “Dwell in the Valley of the Shadows”,…..it’s a CHILL that goes all the way down to YOUR BONES,……but Here, it’s gone in a split second.

      You see, I live way “Down in the Valley” where the Shadows fall on all of us who live there, most of the DAY. The DARKNESS sometimes makes it difficult to do the simplest of things.     

      I have learned to appreciate spending time in the “Sunlight“………I have also seen how, so many, have taken so much for granted,……I think of something that My Father taught me when I was a child,…

      HE said, “I built my house on this ROCK for a GOOD reason.”      

      Now that I am here in HIS House, I can’t even remember what the “cold” feels like. And, given the reason that I am Here, I feel a little better…….but still……..

       I begin to say hello,…but,…HE’S not here? I just stand and stare at HIS Chair, but I don’t understand,…HE’S ALWAYS HERE?,………….I FEEL lonely?,……..afraid?              I still have to tell HIM my problems,……and I hate to because I feel like HE will think that I never listen to HIM,……..I realize that I’m speaking aloud.

       Some days I feel like I must NOT even be HIS SON. “No matter what,” HE “ALWAYS” assures me that I AM,……          

      “What problem is that, “SON?”,….

HIS voice startles me. I spin around. HIS arms closing around me as I turn. I instantly feel safe.

      “Daddy!” I hear myself cry out in a somewhat “childlike” voice. “I’ve missed you.”………..So much!,..…

      “I’ve missed you, too ,“SON”, His kind, yet deep voice, echoing loudly but soothingly.

       I just let HIM hold me for a while, as there is NOTHING else like HIS hugs………HIS embrace…………..they are WHAT LOVE IS.

“I’m glad you’re HOME!”, and just in time for SUPPER, too!” HE always KNOWS when I’m hungry……

        After a while , HE let me go so that HE could back away and get a good look at me. When HE did HE said, “SON,” are you not takin care of yourself?“

         The concern on HIS face was very real,…I told HIM that I have been eating “my BREAD” down where I live,… and I have a “little” Wine to “WASH IT DOWN with,……..“I’m okay,”…..

       (I didn’t tell HIM that I wasn’t eating much due to all of My concerns, which I still, as badly as I don’t want to, must bring up,…soon.)…I swallowed hard.

       HE Said,”BOY, MAN Doesn’t Live by BREAD ALONE,”…  “I Know, Dad, I know,”…my head hung as I spoke………..

       HE has NEVER FAILED to let me KNOW how LOVED I am, which actually makes me FEEL worse for bringin HIM my problems……..as if “KNOWING MY THOUGHTS“, HE Said, ”I’m always here for you, and I’m ALWAYS ready to LISTEN to “WHATEVER! Is troubling you,….NO MATTER WHAT it is. There is nothing more important to me than my children!”……….

       I knew HE meant this, because my FATHER never LIES!!!,…..Then HE said, “follow me.”  At which point, HE turned,…..HIS back, now to me, and began to walk slowly away from me,…………….HE didn’t tell me where,…nor did HE need to.

      My FATHER has NEVER led me “anywhere“ that would hurt me. HE is what a Daddy should be,………it felt so good to be HOME!

       I began to FOLLOW IMMEDIATELY!,…………….although, within seconds, I was walking right beside HIM……..i could feel His warmth radiating from Him……

      With HIS arm around my shoulder, I felt so small,……yet at the same time, I felt that NOTHING could ever HARM me again……

        I closed my eyes and smiled, as I leaned my head against HIS chest,………..

”I Love you, SON”,………

…….I felt the words warmly leave me, “I love you too, dad.”

We walked on together in a comfortable silence,……..”my problems could wait

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